Terminal Illness and Couples Counseling
Frank and Annie entered into counseling because of the pressure a recent diagnosis was putting on their relationship. Frank had pancreatic cancer and had less than a year to live. Instead of a time of bonding and valuing their time together, they found that they were fighting almost constantly. Neither wanted to be in this argumentative state with one another when time was obviously of the essence. Talking to a couples counselor helped them work on the issues that were creating the most anxiety for them as well as learn to address some of the more complex feelings they were experiencing.
One expert had this to say:
The diagnosis of a terminal illness is sure to incite a wide range of emotions, with fear, sadness, and anger being quite common. Even whilst understanding that these feelings are perfectly natural, they are those that many people find most difficult to share with others. The reasons for this reluctance are as varied as the people themselves. Some hope to spare others the need to offer comfort and consoling, feeling that loved ones are already burdened with their own conflicted feelings, while others are simply not wired to display their emotions openly. Some terminally ill patients and others who are under a great deal of stress hold tightly onto their emotions in an attempt to maintain a sense of control – they describe feeling that if they allow themselves to falter even a little, they fear completely falling apart. Whatever the reason, those who are caring for someone with a terminal illness should allow the patient to express emotions as they are comfortable, while letting them know that they have the unconditional support of those who love them.
Couples counseling covers a wide range of challenges that couples may face. Terminal illness is certainly challenging for both partners, but can be aided by a skilled counselor. Expression of complex emotions becomes paramount as well as unconditional support.
Related Posts
- Counseling for Couples and Chronic Illness
- Couples Counseling and Chronic Illness
- Can Counseling for Couples Cure a Mental Illness?
- Mental Illness – When One Partner Refuses Help
- Expression and Release Via Couples Counseling
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[...] Couples Counseling Frank and Annie entered into counseling because of the pressure a recent diagnosis was putting on their relationship. Frank had pancreatic cancer and had less. [...]
My name is Barb Stallings…my husband is Dave….We are 58 and 54 years of age…been married 38 years this past March…..here’s our situation and please be honest if you think you can help in our situation…
Dave has never been a good communicator……none of his family is…I’m from a huge VERY VERBAL Italian family…..having a “good old fashioned” fight or argument has always been a problem because Dave’s version of it is just don’t talk to Barb for two or three days and then get up one morning and start talking again and it will all go away…..I’m the one who wants to battle it out til it’s resolved..lol….but here’s the twist now…
Four years ago Dave was diagnosed with stage IV non-Hodgkins lymphoma….they gave him 1.5 to 7 years……it’s not curable…..he went through six months of grueling chemotherapy that has changed him physically, emotionally and mentally…he then went through two more years of treatment every four months…..he’s in remission right now but some tumor markers are showing that it’s “reactivating”..
Well…the biggest thing for me is that this very compassionate and sincere, jovial man (B.C. = before cancer) has turned into a toddler…..temper tantrums…..smart ass type remarks….hurtful remarks in front of people about me….etc…etc…and God forbid….he will NOT say he’s sorry for anything…..and “tears” from me don’t work anymore….anyway….over the past year especially he’s just gotten worse and worse…I feel like I’m living with a spoiled brat…..When we were in chemotherapy, I think that actually kept us stronger and bonded us closer but now since that’s gone, wow….it’s been crazy…..and I’m about to jump on a bus and run away….that’s how i feel…..
Dave also is permanently disabled from a bad back injury that required a steel cage be placed in his back….he has diabetes, hep C (from where?? We do not know)…,high blood pressure and the chemo left him completely unable to have an erection…He hasn’t kissed me since he started chemo because he says his mouth has never been the same….so that’s “no kiss” for over four years….there’s more and more….
I think we’re dealing with so much that it’s like the pink elephant in the room and wondered if you think this is something you’d be willing to take on….
Anyway…thanks for listening…I really appreciate it..
Sincerely,
Barb Stallings
623-512-5842
dear barb,
illness can change everything, not just in the person affected, but also and especially with the family and partner. and most time people think that in case of such a horrible diagnose everybody would have to keep behind in favoru of the ill. this is a big error. not only the ill person has to recieve attention but also his surrounding.
good luck!
joerg